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I keep getting bills from AOL. My service was cancelled long ago, but they keep sending me "confirmation letters", expressing how overjoyed they are that I have decided to continue with their service. My quest to cancel once and for all proved to be a long, frustrating, and futile attempt to save myself $14.95 a month.

I made my first call to the cancellation department at around 6:15 and I was put on hold for about 10 minutes. I hung up and tried again and this time I reached an operator who told me that she was sorry, but the number I dialed had been disconnected and that I should hang up and try my call again. I called the cancellation department again and was put on hold again. Some cheesey music started playing and after a few minutes I heard a click again. I became frustrated and decided to call the AOL sign-up department, just to see if someone was alive. I reached someone in 8 seconds.

"Hello, my name is Rob, may I help you set up an AOL account this evening?"
"No, Rob, I would like to cancel my existing AOL account, for I am unsatisfied with it."
"Ok, let me transfer you to the cancellation department."
"No--" (click)

I called the sign-up department again and this time reached Angel.

"Hi, I'm Angel, would you like to set up an account?"
"Angel, I am calling to cancel my existing account and I refuse to call the cancellation department because I believe it is deserted."
"Just a second..." (click)

This time I tried calling the billing error department. I had no luck. The billing error department seems to be run by recordings. I called sign-up again and got a new phone number for cancellation. Armed with this weapon, I prepared my angry speech which the phone operator would endure.

After 10 minutes, Frank from the cancellation department answered.

"Good evening, I'm Frank, how may I help you?"
"Hello, Frank! Are you a person or a recording?"
"Umm.. I am a person?"
"Oh! I'm relieved to heard that, I was beginning to think that the cancellation department was just a myth like unicorns and bigfoot."
"Pardon?"
"I've been trying to reach y'all all night and I end up nowhere... The phone number mysteriously fades away into nothingness."
"I'm sorry to hear that you are upset, how can I fix this?"
"Well, I keep getting billed from AOL and I am no longer happy with the service. Please stop billing my account."

I got my reimbursement, the end. Hows that for a crashing halt of an ending?